Blame Alice
by siriusly klutzy
Summary: I really should stop listening to Alice. I mean, she only gets me into stupid situations. Like taking Arithmacy for example. Completely pointless. I can’t do it, and I’m constantly distracted by none other than James Potter. Brilliant.


Summary: I really should stop listening to Alice

**Summary: I really should stop listening to Alice. I mean, she only gets me into stupid situations. Like taking Arithmacy for example. Completely pointless. I can't do it, and I'm constantly distracted by none other than James Potter. Brilliant.**

**Disclaimer: Jo owns it.**

**Blame Alice**

a Siriusly Klutzy story.

This is completely pointless. This whole class is worthless. I don't even know _why _I took Arithmacy. Well, yes I do. It's all Alice's fault. _She's _the one who begged, bribed, and was close to black mailing me to take bleeding Arithmacy with her. And I've figured out that I'm utterly worthless at it. But McGonagall won't let me drop.

Isn't that rubbish? She _won't let me drop_. She says it'll look quite nice on my transcripts for future careers.

Screw future careers. I'm going to live in the streets of Diagon Alley and sell things that don't include numbers or Arithmacy or anything pointless like that.

Because I simply do not understand it. And yet here I am, taking this bleeding test, going absolutely _mad_, and desperately trying _not _to stare at James Potter. Who, believe it or not, is sitting next to me.

_Right _next to me. Merely a few inches from my right side. Which, by the way, makes my handwriting absolutely horrendous as my right hand shakes so much. Not that I'm actually writing anything down! No, of course not.

Because I have absolutely no bleeding idea how to bloody do it.

Bugger.

Bugger. Bugger. Bugger.

I'm going to fail this test because I simply cannot complete it. And handing in blank tests of four pages- _four pages_! How in the name of Merlin does Professor Salister think we can complete _four pages _of a bleeding _Arithmacy _test? Obviously she's completely mad and has much too high expectations in her students- of absolutely nothing isn't going to get me a good grade.

And James bleeding Potter is right there. Right. _There_. Next to me. With his left arm occasionally hitting mine so he whispers, "Sorry," really quickly and quietly so that his test doesn't get taken and I say, "No problem," a bit louder because I normally squeak and he grins and goes back to his test and…

Do you _see _why I can't do Arithmacy? Because Professor Salister put _James Potter _next to me! _Me_! And it's obvious to everyone that when I'm within three feet of the boy my head nearly falls off. We couldn't have taken this class in fourth year? When I absolutely despised him?

No. Of course not. That would be much too easy and I might have actually _passed _an exam. No, it has to be _now_. I mean, sure, at the beginning it was fine and dandy because we were kind of sort of matey-type things that would say hello to each other in the halls when we passed and, you know, _not _have shouting matches.

But now? _Now _I'm head over bloody heels in a great big fancy with this boy and, well, obviously it's not helping my marks any.

Obviously.

The D I just got on my last Transfiguration paper should be proof enough of that. Which, by the way, try not to write a very important paper when there's a bloke you might possibly fancy sitting merely four tables away from you in the library. It really doesn't do much for the concentration aspect of it all. Really. Alice told me that I could have drowned if all the drool that was coming out of me was put in a tub. Lovely visual, yeah? Thanks Alice.

I don't understand it, either. I mean, he's doing just fine in this class. And all his other classes. I'm getting P's and D's in this class because I'm sitting next to him. But James? Oh, James is getting E's and O's. O's! What I wouldn't give for an O.

I can't decide if it's a fair trade or not. Good marks? Or sitting next to James? Sure, sitting next to James might be making me absolutely mad. But it's James. It's quite nice sitting next to him. He smells lovely, so that's pleasant, and he has wicked arms, so once he starts writing I nearly start hyperventilating. Not to mention, he's practically a genius in this class, so whenever I need help he's always more than willing to do so, so that's quite nice.

Merlin, he really is a catch, isn't he? I was an idiot for the past six years. Of course _now _I figure it out, once I'm stuck in a class I'm going to fail because I don't understand one bloody bit of it.

And then what happens? No more sitting next to James. My mad little heart won't be able to bear it.

But what can I do? I mean, I'm going to fail this exam anyway, so really, is there any point in trying? Sure, I could scribble down random numbers and hope that by some miracle the correct answer comes out (which is highly unlikely and I just don't _have _that kind of luck). The odds of anything like that actually going my way are about, oh, a jillion to one.

Blimey.

Bugger.

_Ploink!_

And now little pits of _parchment _are coming from absolutely no where and hitting me in the wrist? What in the name of Merlin is going on? This is absolutely ridiculous! I don't even know where this stupid parchment came from, and it comes over, harassing me and such, _distracting me _from doing my Arithmacy test! Obviously the parchment flinger has no respect for me or my grades.

I took a nice glare around the room, but everyone seemed completely absorbed in the nonsense that some would call Arithmacy.

Bah.

James coughed next to me. Poor dear, he was getting a cold. I was about to sooth him, but I'm never quite sure what you say to someone who coughs. So instead I just ignored him. It's not as if he's dying from something- what? I don't know- lodged in his throat.

Now, who was the evil mastermind that decided to throw bits of parchment at me during this very serious testing time? I had an entire class to solve it, but really, I was quite enjoying my thinking time.

James coughed again. I was about to offer him a cough drop when something tapped my ankle.

Trying my best to be discreet, I looked down, expecting to see a cat, or maybe a rat or something. But I didn't.

Instead, my heart does these obnoxious little summersaults because it's _James's foot_! Tapping mine!

Sweet Merlin.

I looked at him to make sure I wasn't imagining that he had a third foot or something that I thought was tapping mine. Surely enough, he was looking right at me. I caught his eye and gave him a _What? _Look, because, seriously, _what _was going on?

I mean, it isn't as if we aren't mates. Like I said, we get along. But he's not like Alice and Marlene who always distract me during tests- at least, he didn't do it intentionally, or knowingly, actually.

He nodded at the little bit of parchment that attacked my wrist. I raised my eyebrows at him, making sure that I gave off the air that I thought he was completely mad. He rolled his own eyes and mouthed _Open it._

I was shocked. James Potter? Sending me a note? In the middle of an Arithmacy test?

I kicked myself under the desk to make sure I wasn't, you know, dreaming or something. Because with all my luck I could have been.

Nope. Wasn't dreaming, however I wouldn't be surprised if a bruise popped up there by the end of the day. I nodded and picked up the little bit of parchment with shakey hands.

_Evans- Was it really studying you did last night, or was there a copy of Witch Weekly hidden in your Arithmacy book? Seems like you're having a bit of trouble. Here. –James_

I looked down to the bottom of the small bit of parchment and found that he put all the steps I needed for at least the first page on that itty bitty piece of parchment.

James Potter was… helping me cheat?

I went to give him a questioning look, but he was completely back to being absorbed in his own test, probably doing marvelously, while I had to hurry up and attempt to finish the front page.

Leave it to James to help me like this. Of course, he wouldn't exactly give me the answers, but he'd tell me _how _to get them. Tricky. Convenient. I might even not get a D on this one! How exciting!

Excited, I hurriedly wrote down something that seemed remotely right. I was absolutely thrilled because James Potter had a) helped me not fail another Arithmacy test and b) _passed me a note_.

Okay, so b is rather illogical and immature for me to having such a madness attack, but I couldn't help it. I really couldn't. Okay, I could a bit, but I was happy. It was a note and possibly a passing grade.

Somehow, sheer luck- though that's not really my thing- I'd imagine, by doing the first page- correctly or incorrectly, I won't know until next week- I got most of the second and third pages, leaving only a few blank.

_Poink!_

I nearly had a heart attack when my wrist got hit by another small bit of parchment. I looked over at James but he showed absolutely no sign of having thrown anything at all.

I opened it, half expecting it to have been someone else sending me random notes during the Arithmacy test, but relaxed a bit when I saw his messy scrawl on the parchment.

_Helped, I see. The last page is easy, save the last question. Just do everything you did on the first page. But backwards. A little trick Remus taught me. Great, eh? –James_

Again, I went to give him a peculiar look, but he wasn't even paying attention. He was going over his own test, and I might even say deliberately flashing his answers in my direction. But I couldn't just look at them to compare, that would be stealing. And as Head Girl I couldn't do that.

Helpful hints from the Head Boy, however, is a completely different story.

With seven minutes to spare, I managed to almost finish the entire back of the fourth page and completely complete pages two and three. I relaxed when I got a number that looked almost completely right and was able, I think, to write the bit about the theory on numbers, so that was quite nice as well.

James, of course, had finished with ten minutes to spare, and he kept throwing anxious glances in my direction as if that's supposed to help me get the right answer. Sorry, James, dahling. Unless you can telepathically make the answers come out of my quill, that won't do a thing.

"Alright, time's up. Turn over your papers and sit quietly until the bell," Professor Salister said when we had a minute left. I sighed in relief and flipped my test over so that the theory question was staring back at me. I figure that's the only one I got right because I actually _knew _the material, so it's okay if it mocks me.

The second the bell rang, I jumped out of my chair and raced over to Alice who was slowly gathering her belongings because _she _didn't mind being in this wretched classroom.

I smacked her lightly-ish on the head with my Potions book (I couldn't hit her _hard_! Then who would do my Arithmacy homework if I accidentally put her into a coma or something?) and glowered at her.

"What?" she asked happily. Obviously she thought that exam was _easy_.

"When I can't get a real job in the real world because you made me take this stupid course and I failed it, and it makes me look bad to every place I want to work in, I'm putting it on _your _head!" I exclaimed in a humph.

"Okay," she said simply.

I rolled my eyes. Of course she would care so much about my future when she was doing oh so excellently in this stupid, ridiculous, pointless, worthless class. Of course.

"Listen, I've got to go find Frank before lunch," Alice explained as she meandered into the humongous blob blocking my exit to sanity. She didn't make _Frank _take this stupid class. "Okay? So I'll catch up with you guys in a bit?"

Marlene appeared by my side. She was the one who was forced into taking this class and ended up actually _enjoying _it. But we all know Marlene isn't the most powerful wand from the bunch. So of course _she _would find Arithmacy interesting. Instead of a nuisance. Which is what it is.

"So, Evans," I heard a deep voice from behind me say. Oh sweet Merlin. "How do you think you did?"

I took a deep breath so that I wouldn't sound like a _complete _loon. "Dreadful. Except for the stuff you helped me with." I added that last bit in a whisper. Merlin only knows, someone would think we cheated or something.

And it wasn't cheating. It was simply very helpful hints.

"It did help, then?" he asked, a smile of relief flooding over his face. I nodded, extremely grateful to have someone so generous next to me. "Thank Merlin. I couldn't concentrate with you staring at me like that the entire time."

Marlene snorted so loudly I'm surprised it didn't attract more people.

I, on the other hand, didn't say a word. Instead I turned a marvelous shade of red and tried to sink into a nice puddle on the floor. Unfortunately, I don't possess that power so I just had to, well, stand there and look ridiculous because the stupid blob blocking the door _wasn't moving!_

"Ah, Evans, you know I'm just kidding," he said, clapping me on the shoulder. I let out a strangled, nervous chuckle. "You looked like you were going to have a nervous breakdown any second."

I coughed and looked at Marlene who was trying so hard not to laugh, bless her. I mentally noted to buy her a nice pair of socks for keeping her mouth shut. She even spun around so James wouldn't see her about ready to burst. Ah, mates.

"Thanks. You really helped a lot," I said, my voice almost cracking but I cleared my throat and managed to sound remotely normal. "I shouldn't even be taking this bloody class. It's so pointless."

James laughed. Marlene had abandoned us to get away, probably to laugh loads at my expense. She had pushed her way through the mob of slow students. I was about three away from the door and my stomach was growling like a lion.

"Then why are you?" he asked.

I narrowed my eyes. "Alice."

He laughed again. "Right, well, if you need my help, just let me know. I understand most of it. All accept that stupid theory question. That," he shook his head, "that I had no idea about."

"Really?" I asked excited. "That's the only thing I get!"

Grinning, he said, "I may just have to kidnap you to use your excellence in theory."

I smiled back. "Sounds like a date," I agreed.

And then was utterly mortified. A _date_! I just agreed to a date. With James Potter. That he didn't even _ask _me on.

Thankfully, he didn't notice the panic that I thought was written all across my face ("Lily Evans is a great big IDIOT.) for he said, "Alright. S'later then," and grinned and walked to meet Peter who was coming meeting him after his free period.

When I got to lunch, I attacked Alice with a hug and said, "Thank you, you great big dope!"

She grinned, not quite sure what I was so grateful for. So even though she forced me to take a class I absolutely hated, I actually benefited from it. Excellent, yeah? Of course, I still have to take the class. But her punishment from that will be having to listen to the excellence that came of it. Sounds like a brilliant plan to me, if I do say so myself.

_A/n: I know, I know what you're all thinking. _A one-shot? From Siriusly Klutzy? Is this the apocalypse? _It's not, I swear. And if it is, I can't believe it's because of me. But that's irrelevant. My tennis match today was cancelled, so no two hour bus ride there and another one back so- gasp- I actually had _time _to do stuff! I write (albeit, not all that well) and relaxed and finished my homework early. It was so nice._

_But I hope you liked the one-shot. I feel horrible for not having posted one of these in at least a month. It's been a month, hasn't it? I'm so so so so so so sorry. Please forgive me? Please?_

_Much love, a million apologies, oodles of spare time, and a babe to give you answers to things you don't know,_

_Siriusly Klutzy_


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